Vulnerable

Having lived with anxiety disorder for over twenty years, writing has been a great friend. It allows me something to turn to during the dark hours and helps me explore the emotions and confusion I often feel. While I essentially write books, I have found poetry to be something that allows me to focus. This is one I want to share for #WorldMentalHealthDay

Vulnerable

Once I was a warrior, equipped to be on the front lines of life.

Now I step up naked on the battlefield, walled in by doubt.

My only defense is your mercy, my only weapon is silence.

When the demons are pulling upon the strings in my mind

I can only wait until they tire of their cruelty,

And abandon me like a cat with a sparrow,

Coldly watching my efforts to take flight again.

But my allies rally and I draw from their strength

Believing my victory is certain

And with this belief I advance on the front,

The laurels of achievement awaiting me.

But the battle is short lived, and uncertainty like a crane-swing returns.

My war cry becomes a suppliant blubber

And my jaw droops for want of breath.

As my heart hammers upon an anvil of fear.

My wounds are deep and I gaze at the sword in my hand

Beckoning my fall upon it,

But what sort of soldier would I be then

And at what cost to those around me?

For now, I must contend to stay broken on the field,

And blurt out the words I loathe to utter.

“Help me.”